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TherewasaguyinHighSchool,Don,whodatedafemalefriend.Theguywasanunmitigatedasshole,whollypreoccupiedwithbeing"cool,"oftenattheexpenseofothers.Hewaslikesomecharacteroutofan80'steeniemovie,the"bad"boythatgirlsliked,whosmokedcigarettesandhadtattoos.Hewasn’tparticularlyniceorpoliteinmypresence,soasarationalhumanbeing-Ididn’tliketheguy.AsIsaid,Donwasdatingafemalefriend,andshelovedgivingmetheplay-by-playontheirrelationship.Onedaysherelayedthiscrazystorytome.ShehadbeenwithDonathisdad'shouse(hisparentsweredivorced),upstairswatchingTVinhisroom.Hisdadapparentlycamehomedrunk,camestompingupthestairs,andbargedintoDon'sbedroom.HegrabbedDon,threwhimupagainstawallandstartedchokinghimwithbothhandswhileyellingathim.Allinfrontofher.Shecametolearnthatthiswasn'taone-offincident.HerrecountingledmetorethinkDon,andotherquintessentialjerksI’dknownovertheyears.Yes,therearesurelyauthenticbadpeopleoutthere.Butoften,theseunpleasantbehaviorsstemfromsomewhereelse:atroubledpast,abusiveparents,alistofthingsthatallleadtoaplaceofpain.Consequentlyandfrequently,I'vefoundmyselfinchingclosertopeopleIdon'tinitiallylike.No,thisisn'tanhomagetoSunTzu's"Keepyourfriendscloseandyourenemiescloser."It'snoblerthanthat.It’smerelyasuggestionthatyouattempttounderstandthesubjectofyourhatred.You’llfindthatthesourceofyouranimosityisoftenill-placed,thatthepeopleyouareputoffbyaren'twhattheyseem.Thesuperficial,insufferablepersonalityisreallyjustamaskforapersonwhofeelsmisunderstood,alone,weak,disliked,unloved.I’veevenrealizedthatIdislikedapersonbecauseIsawsomethingofmyselfinthem,thatthispersonwasamirrorofmyownproblems,areflectionofmyowninward-lookingdissatisfaction.